Selfish

adjective: someone who is selfish only thinks of their own advantage

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I am now going to selfishly expect you to read this post on selfishness. Nobody likes selfish behaviour, do they? When a person is selfish, they put themselves before others. Before you. Which you understandably don’t like, because they’re being selfish. Not you, though. You’re not being selfish at all, right?

With so much stigma around selfishness, it’s easy to forget that it’s actually a survival mechanism. Looking out for yourself first and foremost is a natural instinct and – contrary to popular belief – there’s nothing inherently wrong in it. Please don’t misunderstand me here: I’m not saying that being inconsiderate is okay. I’m saying that given the choice between keeping a roof over your own head or housing a stranger, few would choose the latter, and with good reason. I’m saying that if you would willingly take a bullet for someone you don’t have a deep emotional connection with, you are in the minority, and understandably so. I’m saying that choosing to feed themselves and their families before other tribes is how our ancestors survived long enough for us to be here. Perhaps the saying “only the good die young” has its roots in this Darwinian truth?

Society tells us that selflessness is good and selfishness is bad. We want to be good. We want to believe we’re good. It’s drummed into us from childhood: be good.Don’t be selfish. It’s good to share. But there’s a reason beyond simple pettiness children don’t like sharing. When resources are scarce, those who have more are more likely to survive. They aren’t being cruel. Selfish, yes, but that’s because it’s a natural survival instinct that has been present in humans for countless generations. But things are different now. In our current environment – a.k.a modern society – are survival prospects really better served through selfishness than selflessness?

“No man is an island”. Tell me something: do you know anyone who is truly self-sufficient? I don’t. People will cry: “but I pay my own way!” but that in itself speaks of their dependence on others. We pay our water bill: we don’t collect and sanitise our own water. We use money we gain from others – whether by work, charity, business, investment or crime – to pay others for goods and services. We have created a situation where living completely independently without some form of assistance from others is practically impossible (even if that assistance is paid for). We cannot survive alone. This leads me to believe that sometimes the most self-serving course of action can actually be the seemingly selfless choice…

Putting others before oneself is laudable. Heroic, even (depending on the circumstances, anyway). And a favour or a kindness should be reciprocated, shouldn’t it? Most people feel compelled to return a favour: whether through the individual’s morality or fear of judgement. In fact, overcompensation is extremely common. Therefore, it stands to reason that those who behave selflessly may actually gain more through the reciprocal generosity of others than they would have received from an initial selfish decision. In fact, there have been several psychological studies which support this hypothesis. But let’s not forget the more emotional, human side of things…

Surely you’ve heard people say “it’s nice to be nice”? Most people who experience a full emotional spectrum will feel a certain satisfaction – even joy – when performing a selfless act. It makes you feel good about yourself. Even those beautiful narcissists among you may experience some small inflation of the ego at this superior behavior! And emotional gratification is, in my opinion, of great value – even if it is often overlooked in favour of material gain…

With that, dear reader, I shall cease my selfish imposition upon your precious time, while selflessly imploring you not to think too much!

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