adjective: refusing to change actions or opinions
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To be called stubborn is hardly complementary, is it? Perhaps not as bad as “obstinate”, but it’s still almost synonymous with being awkward, causing problems where there were none. Precious few people admit to being stubborn; let alone take pride in it. But, as always, there is an exception to prove the rule…
A long time ago, when the world – or, at least, my world – was very young, I was told “don’t cut off your nose to spite your face”. Naturally, my gut reaction was to do exactly the opposite. Now, obviously, I didn’t pick up a knife and start mutilating my face, but I did persevere with my infantile sulking. All day. I was actually quite proud of myself for keeping it up! That said, I will concede that the day in question would have probably been more enjoyable had I taken Nana’s advice.
Armed with this knowledge at the tender age of three, I was faced with a choice that would profoundly impact the rest of my life. Do I change my mind when it’s already made up for an easy life? Or do I stick to my guns and follow things through, even when the consequences are detrimental?
Neither option was palatable. To be flaky, fickle or unreliable is something which – even before I truly understood the words – I associated with weakness of character. I could not choose a course of action that would make me appear weak in my own eyes. Then again, to consciously choose to make one’s own life worse is clearly stupid: even to a three-year-old! Obviously, like every other three-year-old who ever lived, I was the cleverest person ever and couldn’t do something so stupid… So, what could I do?
As with most questions, when the answer hits you it seems the simplest thing in the world. Make good decisions. Choose wisely what to commit to. Then, you don’t need to backtrack, do you? You can be as stubborn as you like! In fact, most would use far more flattering terms in that scenario, like “determined” or “tenacious” (I’m rather partial to “unyielding”, myself). There’s just one problem…
No one can get everything right. Not even the cleverest three-year-old ever. No one knows everything. Sometimes, even after careful consideration, something comes to light that makes it painfully obvious you were wrong. What then?
It took a really long time to figure that one out. Again, the answer I found, that didn’t make me sick to my stomach, was simple: be true to yourself (I’ve a funny feeling Disney might have helped with that one, but I can’t be absolutely certain). Be firm in your convictions; but if your opinion changes, then to deny it is to let yourself down, and for what? To avoid embarrassment? To not be seen to be wrong? Placing greater value on the opinion of others than your own hardly shows strength of character, does it?
I don’t get called “stubborn” very often anymore. When it does happen, it’s invariably by someone who I am more than happy to be considered awkward by. Someone who sees they’re wrong, but is too weak to admit it. My three-year-old self beams when I’m called “stubborn”. Because, when they do, it means they know I’m right. Otherwise, they wouldn’t call me “stubborn”, would they? If they genuinely disagreed, they’d say I was mistaken or misguided, and explain why – not just call me “stubborn” and hope I change my tune! I know this because three-year-old me knows this.
So, despite ostensibly having only one meaning, a very intelligent toddler observed that “stubborn” is both someone being steadfast and awkward; and is used to imply awkwardness, with a view to masking the fact that a person is correct. It has also been used in many a conversation to describe the cleverest three-year-old ever. A three-year-old so clever, she eventually learned not to think too much!
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