verb: to join or be joined
They say the world is more connected than ever now, don’t they? Incidentally, I have no idea who “they” are – perhaps that will be explored in a future post – but I digress. Generally speaking, this perceived increase in our connection refers to technology and, more specifically, the internet. You whip out your phone, snap a picture, post it and bam! Suddenly, in real time, your second cousin twice removed who lives on another continent – let’s call them “Lesley” – knows exactly where you are and what you’re up to: in real time! Brilliant, right? Distance shmistance – we’re connected! More so than ever! …Or are we?
Because that picture you just posted is just that. A picture. Nothing more. An image of a single moment, frozen in time, without any clear context beyond your succinct post. It has to be succinct, because who has time to read long posts? And, let’s be honest here, the picture itself will be at least a tiny bit contrived, if only so far as the take you look best in. There may be posing. There may be a filter, or some editing, or even just trying to catch something in the background. None of this is bad, it just puts the whole process a little nearer “performance” than “communication”.
Now; back to dear cousin Lesley. You always react to each other’s posts, (even when it’s not that interesting,) you message each other every so often, but when did you actually last see each other in the flesh? Have you ever met in person? Would you even recognize each other if you passed in the street? “Of course I would! They uploaded a picture last week!” I hear you cry, but let’s just consider a moment, shall we?
How many times have you said “I hardly recognized you in that picture”? And how many alterations/filters/edits does Lesley go through before posting to avoid getting trolled? What do they sound like? How is their tone different when they’re amused to when they’re annoyed? What does their face do differently when they genuinely smile versus putting it on for the camera or politeness or whatever? How do they carry themselves? You don’t know. You don’t know because you only ever see Lesley onscreen. A quick google will tell you that 55% of communication is body language and 38% is tone of voice and 7% is words. Words you share. The other 93% comprises all the aforementioned things you cannot possibly know about cousin Lesley. Yet you don’t put in the time, effort or expense to actually meet each other and experience, because you’re connected (in a very disconnected sort of way), and you speak to each other regularly (online), so it’s hardly worth meeting “in the flesh”, is it? Funny how being more connected can actually make you more disconnected… But now let’s take a look at how being “more connected than ever” affects our relationships with those we encounter day to day.
You’ve seen them, haven’t you? A family sit round a table in silence, each one staring at a screen, transfixed. Couples sit opposite each other, rapt by their phones, not even exchanging glances. Friends at the airport who may as well be travelling alone. Travellers on buses and trains whose empty eyes reflect their blue lights, disregarding humanity. Robots. Zombies. They’re everywhere, and it’s normal! You might have even been one at some point; I know I have. We’re all infected to whatever degree.
So, in a lot of cases, being in the same physical space as someone doesn’t actually mean spending time with them at all. As for striking up a conversation with a stranger, (attractive or otherwise,) well, it simply doesn’t happen. In order to make a friend, one has to actively seek them, often online. It’s important to note that this isn’t inherently bad, in fact a great many beautiful relationships have been formed in this way, but there is a fundamental flaw with this approach.
It’s a rather similar problem to the one we experienced with dear cousin Lesley, actually. Intentional or otherwise, when we do something with a specific goal in mind we naturally try to maximise our chances of achieving that goal. Think of it like when you write a C.V. – you tailor it to suit the job, don’t you? It’s common sense. Create a profile on a dating app? Try to make yourself look attractive and sound likeable. Now, that’s not to say that a person isn’t attractive and likeable, just that they will say and do different things when they’re trying to create that image than when they’re just… being. Relationships in all their forms are becoming a show; scripted, produced and polished; rather than unpredictable, stimulating and natural. This, in turn, means our brains don’t get the satisfaction – the nourishment – they would from a face-to-face, organic, relationship. In social animals such as humans, a lack of human connection can very quickly develop into loneliness, and then escalate into further mental health problems. Almost seems like a pandemic, doesn’t it? Disconnection, I mean. Good job we’re more connected than ever…
I hope you enjoyed reading these observations and musings of someone who knows nothing at all, and is perfectly content in that absence of knowledge. Be happy, take care of yourself, stay connected and don’t think too much!